lagged.

We don’t always react to a situation straight away – for some, it might take some time for things to sink in.

Maybe we can’t accept the fact. Maybe we can’t accept that our expectations or imaginations are too different from the reality. Maybe we find it easier to live in a comfortable lie than the painful truth.

We become delusional and defensive. No, you’re just overreacting. Too rigid. Too  tight. Loosen up.

How long do we need? One day? One week? One month? One year?

Forever?

How do we do it? How do we accept the truth? Do we want to?

What were we doing all this while?

Too engulfed. Swallowed up.

Lost.

Today, I realized.

After three years.

 

alternate reality

No one here knows who I am – who I really am.

No one here knows about my life during high school.

No one here knows anyone or anything that knows about me – any links are fruitless, at their best.

No one here knows about my past.

I feel like I have no presence before college – the past is all gone and extinct, erased from existence.

I feel like I am living in an alternate reality or life – all enclosed and embedded in a different memory capsule.

The face I am wearing right now is nowhere close – and yet people think I am an open book, predictable.

The book that they themselves put together, pieces by pieces, all to their liking. More pictures there, more writings here.

“I know you so well”, as I tried my best to fake a laugh.

Oh yes, you do.

 

 

over the past couple of days, I realized there was a huge spike on my Site Stats counter…

18 views, one visitor

19 views, one visitor

…..

Are you stalking me or something? :p

winter/spring?

I guess it has been a while since my last “proper update”.

Anyhoo, I am hours away from my first final exam for the Winter semester.

Yup, my Freshmen year is technically over… how sad. The past two semesters flew by like a hurricane. I am not surprised if I’ve graduated by the time I finish writing this post.

….

..

.

No, that would be cruelly horrifying and terrible.

So, what’s next? I am staying in the confused Ann Arbor (it was snowing yesterday) over the summer. I’m going to take some classes, and probably explore Ann Arbor. Do some things other than studying. (Well, I haven’t been like studying studying all this while, so we’ll see how it goes eh…)

I guess that’s it for now?

Toodles!

Limits

Sometimes, we need to be our own biggest critic. We need to be hard on ourselves, so we can be the best. Criticize even our best work, so we can be better.

However, we always need to know when to stop or when is enough. Being overly critical of yourself can backfire; you might lose your confidence and self-esteem. Everything you do is weak, not perfect, half-hearted – according to your overcritical self. Your life is in a downward spiral, with nowhere to go but down.

You might not realize it – maybe you’re too encompassed with the self-loathing – but you need to take a step back at times. Once you take off those overly-critical glasses, only then you would realize that your life is not that bad.

I know that feeling, the feeling of regret and despair halfway through a semester because you thought you are getting a shitty grade for the course. It didn’t end that way, though.

Everything went better than expected.

Bad Spell

I am certain that there are times where you feel the whole world is against you; woke up late, missed the bus, no time for breakfast, did poorly on your exams… etc.  etc.

Well, you shouldn’t feel that disappointed or disheartened during your bad spell(s). Sure, it is definitely easier said than done, but, life, despite how bitchy it can be, is fair. I don’t know about you, but most of my bad spells were in between good moments. Of course it sucks getting kicked down to the ground by life, but, hey, you win some and you lose some. You got an A+ for the assignment last week, you flunked this test yesterday. In some ways, it balances out. :p

Unless you’re just unlucky…